Through four months of contemplation and mental growth, I feel like it is time to come back to the Tulpamancy community. If you do not know already, I had to forcefully dissipate my Tulpa, Valkrie. She had become corrupt to a degree that I was not able to resurrect her. I still do not want to bring her back. That would not be a good decision since she was so abusive towards me in the end.
This post is useful only to help you out in your Tulpamancy journey. I have gone through a bit of hell, but this experience can help you learn what not to do in the developmental process. I will go through each mistake that I think I have made and analyze it so you can understand how to avoid them.
My first mistake is that I did not interact with Valkrie enough. I did not train myself to see her all the time. I still do not know how to do this, and hopefully, I can learn in the future. The only time I brought her to my attention was when I was feeling depressed, stressed out, or had other negative feelings. This, in turn, made her “absorb” all that negative energy I was feeling.
Over time I realized that she was dying. This was a direct result of not paying enough attention to her. She demanded attention more than I thought. Balancing school, my artistic career/online personality, and my witchcraft made me have little time for her. I created her in the summer before college started, so I could pay attention to her for four hours at a time. I spent weeks away from her when I started my first semester of college because I was still figuring out time management.
Another Mistake I made was that I did not have the mental stability to manage her and keep her happy. Four months ago, I was going through a transitioning time in my life. A surge of PTSD made all my memories come back to me as if I were living them in the present. I had flashbacks often, and I kept screaming, flinching, and making other odd noises randomly because of them. This also brought many panic attacks. I was having two-hour long panic attacks every day for the longest time.
All this negativity was feeding my poor Tulpa. It was like Valkrie was chugging black tar. I could see the evil growing in her. She started to show signs of abuse, yelling at me and berating me for the littlest things. Towards the last forcing sessions I had with her, I noticed her “glitching,” as in changing forms very quickly. It was very scary. I tried forcing her to have one form, but it did not work. Everything was happening against my will.
My last resort was to turn to the Official Tulpa/ subreddit Discord server for help. However, they thought I was joking and did not take my distress seriously. They made fun of me. Of course, this made me much more upset. I felt like I had no other choice and I dissipated my Tulpa. It was like I turned her into dust, and the dust floated away. I cannot even imagine her anymore. She is definitely gone, without a trace. If there is any trace left, it is so small that I cannot detect it.
Here are some things to avoid during the creation process as well as after. Do not ever abandon your tulpa for weeks at a time. Never only seek your tulpa when you are sad and/or feeling negative. Have fun with your tulpa as well as share sorrows. They are your lifelong companion or are supposed to be. It is important not to feed your Tulpa negativity. If you do, they might become like mine.